Watched them take him away this evening…as I knelt on the floor covered in some poor man’s blood. Unable to help, not out of fear for myself, but for Gwenny. If they know who she is, they will take us both to use against him. They said said they’d been watching him…I’ve no idea how much they’ve seen.
I’ve put Gwenny in a safe house where they will not get her. Now if they want to come for me…let them. I will burn this whole city to ash to keep her safe.
I am a glutton for punishment it seems. I ran into Alothia and her new beau at Soliloquy and ended up drinking with the pair and Endri. We fell into old habits, drinking and flirting. And I indulged.
Today Endricane came to meet Gwenny. She was her outgoing, fearless self. They got on great. Things between us, however, are strained…
I thought I wanted things to be the way they were before…but even as I said the words, I knew deep inside, I didn’t really mean them. Gwenny deserves to have her father in her life…but I’m not the same girl anymore.
I went to Xenedra’s tavern today…on a whim. Endri worked there for a while…I think…
And there he was…alive. He was as shocked as I was. Funny, all the emotions I’d expect to feel…muted. Joy mixed with sorrow and surprise. He tells me for him it’s only been a moon or so since he left me at home. I’ve asked him to the house to meet Gwenny.
I really should set aside time to write in this journal more. I suppose I only have time now because Nana Yaya handed me a picnic basket and herded Gwenny and me out the door. Crafty thing, leaving this in the bottom.
It’s times and places like this that make me feel almost…normal again. I’ve brought Gwenny to the beach. She and Brand are having a grand old time chasing each other through the waves. It reminds me of when Endri taught me how to swim. At first, there’s this little twinge of sadness…then nothing.
Am I broken? I feel no love for anyone other than Gweeny. Desire and lust, yes..but I’ve yet to find a man who interests me enough to sleep with. Or one that trust enough. It’s not as if there haven’t been those that have offered..and tried. I just find myself…unmoved.
I’ve started my own business. Yaya suggested it to me one evening after watching me treat a member of our caravan. She is the closest thing I have to a friend…and is the only one I trust with Gwenny. The caravan is stockpiling ingredients for the fist batch of potions. Guess I’ll try my luck in Aleport first.
We are finally safe after two cycles of constant moving and looking over our shoulders. Mother will haunt us no more…I saw to that.
(The next few pages are burnt and crumbling as if the journal had been laying open during a blaze. Only a few words are legible, one of them being “Mother”
I am both thrilled and distraght as I write this. My daughter sleeps peacefully in her cradle next to the bed. Brand sleeps next to her like her personal bodyguard. But…where is her father? It’s been moons. I fear the worst, but cannot help but hope for the best.
She was born two suns ago, here and not at the Fane. They begged me to go, but I trust few there and won’t risk Mother finding out.
I’ve named her Gwendolynn, Gwenny for short. She’s tiny and precious and perfect in every way. She’s got Endri’s eyes and reminds me of him already. When she’s hungry she makes that same grumpy face he always made…
This sun I awake in Gridania…at least I am told it is Gridania. With the damage and all the refugees, who can be sure. My neighbors say they carried me here after I became hysterical.
My home is gone, it burned with the wood…I’ve been unconscious for suns they tell me. I’ve missed the end of the fighting it seems. I want to leave here, it’s not safe so close…but they won’t let me leave the house. For the baby’s health and my own, I guess. They ask how Endricane will find me if I leave Gridania, but he’d look for me in Ul’Dah.
Musings and Stories 